Why do younger people think about older people the way they do? They are seen as mostly all the same, and yet when you ask people about their grandparents… oh, they aren’t the “typical” senior.

One thing that has continually hit me is that there aren’t any “typical” seniors - just like every 25 year old isn’t the same. We have identified at least 6 distinct groups, and more are coming, but even within those groups they don’t walk in lock-step.

I admit that the people I was most drawn to when I first got here were the ones who looked up and smiled and wanted to talk with me. But as a researcher, you have to seek out every point of view. I was a little anxious at first when approaching a group of women who I would describe as chiseled from stone… they looked even a little upset and definitely didn’t look like they wanted to talk.

I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was prejudice… I assumed because someone wasn’t smiling that they were standoffish and wanted no one near them. Upon introducing myself and sitting down I engaged the ladies and found them remarkable, funny and full of life… I just didn’t see that when I first looked at them. Since then I have approach everyone with no fear and have left universally with a smile on my face as well as theirs.

Instead of thinking as our own grandparents as different from other seniors, I suggest we all start assuming that every older person is pretty different and cool if we just take the time to stop and find out. Don’t let the lack of a smile at first stop you… their smile is in there just waiting for you.

I am amazed at what older adults can accomplish with their physical limitations. There is such a difference between those who succumb to their physical limitations and say, “I just can’t,” and those who embrace the challenge and strive to find ways to continue doing the activities that bring them pleasure. This is possibly the most meaningful lesson we can learn from studying the physiology of aging—how do we bring those opportunities which continue to allow us to “age in place” to this enthusiastic demographic?

As the motto of orienteering suggests: “Finding your way through an unknown terrain,” is a sport where you have to combine both your physical and mental skills. It is a sport where you have to navigate in terrain as fast as you can with your only navigational tools being a map and compass. Isn’t this a lot like aging? How do we chart the terrain, how do we map the territory how do we know which direction to go? What tools do we need to develop, refine or create?

“Youth isn’t wasted on the young. Everything has its time. You live your life, you enjoy your friends, enjoy your beliefs because without those dreams, life isn’t worth anything. I loved my teachers, enjoyed the activities, the wonderful places you go and travel. But I enjoyed where I am now mostly. 35 is when you are making your plans for the future. Now I live the future everyday.” Resident Ruth from Garden Spot Village.

The best part of being a senior seems to be the social interaction. We have said that retirement communities are reminiscent of college campuses; just as college is a unique time when you are living with friends and peers 24/7 and the focus is as social as academic, so older adult living allows a unique time of life to again focus on the social aspects. Family events are very special and important to everyone, and favorite memories seem to come from previous stages of life. These interviews are serving to deconstruct some senior stereotypes.

And I cried for what seems like the fiftieth time today. Not with sadness but with relief and appreciation for the fact that all the things that give us happiness and sadness, excite us and bore us, frustrate us and thrill us don’t simply fade once we hit sixty or seventy or eighty. Life is full to the end.

“I know who you are”… conversations start this way now, with people walking up to talk with “Bob the research guy”.

This woman had something to share… the focus of her angst was cereal… not cereal per say, but the bag inside the box. She put her hands up as if trying to open an invisible cereal container and began to pull it apart… it wouldn’t budge.

Funny what you take for granted… I hate those bags too… I pull too hard and the bag splits down the side… it’s a real mess. But compared to this woman I had it easy.

It was clear that this really bothers her… not just because it’s hard, but because it didn’t used to be. And even though it seems those bags were made easier to open years ago, she is at a point where physically she can’t pull it open.

Being the compulsive problem solver I am, I suggested a pair of scissors in the cereal cupboard… knowing even as I said it that the bag wasn’t the issue. She talked about everything from mayonnaise jars to the gas cap on her car… all of which have conspired against her. She even spoke of having trouble turning the door knob at her doctor’s office when visiting him about arthritis in her hands.

I figure about 5 times is about right… just doing the day-to-day things that younger people take for granted is about 5 times harder for an older adult… and I’m not talking 80 or older… this creeps up on you and stalks you even in your late 40’s and 50’s.

When you think about it, the life of an older adult is one of perseverance and overcoming challenges… who among us younglings would be able to deal with all our daily tasks being at 5X? Not me… even with scissors.

Okay, [Clara] was incredible! She was happy, coherent, and sweet – and 97. She will have lived 98 years come this December 29. Her fingers were gnarled by arthritis, but she didn’t complain much. She has 30 grandchildren – eight children.

Talking with these older adults throughout the day makes me think that family should probably be more important to me than it is. She mentioned that back when she was dating her late husband, they would go out once a week – not like today’s daters who see each other practically all the time. They dated for three years; she got married when she was 19. She never had a wedding ring or engagement ring as she is Mennonite and thus doesn’t wear jewelry.

Clara has memorized several, if not dozens of poems and can recite them with the sort of style and emotion that rivets the listener. She’s not sure where she learned them, maybe from school. Today she recited for us James Russell Lowell’s The First Snowfall.

Clara also told us about her neighbor, Grace. Grace does Clara’s laundry because Clara can’t reach well into the machines. Grace’s reputation is that she really helps and cares for a lot of people. What a beautiful thing to be known by. We met Grace later. She was a bit hard of hearing, but otherwise humble and sweet. Basically I loved seeing these two women who had aged gracefully – who did not complain, who were happy, who had stories to share.

You know no matter how old you are, you always think of yourself as the same age, like eighteen or twenty or the day you realized you were no longer a child; it seems that in our minds the aging process stops the moment you step over the line from childlike thoughts to responsible, mature adult thinking. But the body continues to age. I am constantly surprised when I look in the mirror at my reflection and the person looking back at me is my mom! Furrowed brow, gray sprouts peeping in through the three-week old dye job on my hair, drooping jaw line, tired, red eyes. In my mind, I am still that wide-eyed, energetic, under-rated chippie trying to prove myself a worthy adversary to the mature colleague. What I fail to realize is I AM THE MATURE COLLEAGUE and now there are young men and ladies looking to me for guidance. What the heck is happening?

I hadn’t really noticed it creeping up on me until it jumped on my head and had me firmly in its grasp.

Depression is like that sometimes… it’s always easier to look back and see it sneaking up, but hard to see before it hits. Things have been going really well… one of the most enjoyable and professionally stimulating times of my career. Yet late in the afternoon yesterday I went to bed to take a nap feeling drained and down. As I lay there I thought about the past several days… everything was going so well.

But there were emotions brewing that I didn’t notice… and all at once I saw them and knew why… I had a terrible sense of loss. Loss isn’t just something you deal with a single time in a retirement community; it’s a way of life. People here have embraced it more than I ever knew, and can talk about it and share it in the most candid of ways. For many days I had been marinating in the loss of people’s spouse’s, family members, physical and mental abilities… and it slowly broke through the professional research suit I wear every day.

The hardest for me is listening to the stories of physical and mental loss… I know it’s coming for me too, but their personal stories impact me. From the hearty marine who wept in his wheelchair as he told me about the life he had before and after his stroke six-months ago to the woman who asked me three times in the span of 5 minutes my name and why I was here again. I want to talk to some of the staff here about this. I have to believe that a new staff member faces the same impact. Even new residents to some extent would be impacted by moving from a neighborhood with a few older adults to being surrounded by the losses they each have suffered. I got out of bed and felt better… I now knew why, but I also had hope. For the most part these people have embraced the loss and accept it. They are living vital and wonderful lives and not dwelling on the loss. As one woman told me… “What alternative do you have?” I agree with her…it certainly beats laying in bed.