Scott Miller is my hero. Truly. If anyone can contribute to the way we look at aging and add a unique slant to stereotypical perceptions, it is Scott. He is Director of Marketing at Garden Spot Village and has become a valuable contributor to our interpretation of the findings throughout our research here. Read my 8-3 blog posting and read Scott’s response. I think it is dead on…

“I found your Mermaid blog interesting. The way you described it sounded like any other learning/performing process regardless of age. The aquatic director could have been talking to 18, 25, 35 or 50 year olds. What makes the learning process/performance different because they are over 90? Or is it simply surprising that it doesn’t really matter if we are 18 or 90? I makes me think of competitive ice skating. It is not uncommon to hear the TV commentators point out how an Olympic skater missed or forgot a move or how they improperly completed a jump or spin.”

Below are a few photos and a video from the water volleyball tournament I wrote about in an entry last week. The tournament is a competition between several local retirement communities and, as you can see, the competitors aren’t afraid to share their own interpretation of the rules with the ref.

I had lunch for three hours and wasn’t even hungry.

When I walked in the dining room, fingers pointed and people chatted behind hands… “That’s the guy in the paper… the one doing research.” That one article broke down a lot of walls and now I was a mini-celebrity.

I spent time at a couple of tables before landing with three women who expanded my already growing education.

All three were self described Merry Widows and we talked at length. One of the biggest revelations for me was that communities have some of the same social aspects as high school, and that everyone eventually finds their crowd.

One of the ways that people divide is along the lines of couples and single women. The couples tend to hang together and it is a bit harder for a single woman to become part of the group. When asked if single men had the same problem, they all laughed and said… “They haven’t got a chance.”

Evidently single men are a highly desirable commodity that are soon identified and acquired.

So… if you’re a guy who was never a lady’s man in high school… just wait, your time is coming. But get on the waiting list soon… once this gets out there’s no telling what men will do… and no, I won’t set you up.

I consider driving a competitive sport, using the left lane for passing, always trying to improve my position in the “race”… getting there as fast as I can.

It took three days to notice that I was doing it here… passing others on the left as I raced to my next interview or outing. This morning as I waited for the elevator a new friend, Mildred, came up to stand beside me with her walker. We chatted on the way down to the first floor, both heading toward lunch.

As I was about to say goodbye and shift into third gear, she asked me a question. I don’t remember what she asked, but I stopped and paused and thought that we could chat as we walked.

It is incredible the stress that can build up when you are walking slower than you are used to… I was anxious and awkward… I felt that everyone was looking at me and wondering what I was doing. I was wrong… it was all inside me… I took a mental deep breath and decided to enjoy the walk and discussion.

I never would have believed how much you can see when going so slow. Mildred was delightful and didn’t even notice as I fell into her pace.

I had been on my way to have a quick lunch so that I could do a survey of the campus facilities in the afternoon, but my walk with Mildred changed my plans… I ended up spending three hours at lunch… I slowly went from table to table and chatted with others, then sat in the lobby for another hour and chatted some more… I was the last to leave.

I’m sitting here now just taking in the fact that speed may not be all it’s cracked up to be, and being thankful that there’s no passing lane here…

The evolution of the older adult is mirrored as a microcosm in the retirement community I visited today. Observing a highly competitive (and officiated, I might add!)water volleyball tournament between several retirement communities, I perched to chat with the pool activities supervisor, Bonnie. She was a virtual well of information on the nature of the physiology of aging. But one story she shared might truly represent the heart of Project Looking Glass.

Bonnie spoke of three ladies–the Mermaids–pointing them out as their silver hair glistened in the 90-degree-plus heat of a mid-summer day. Poised, they sat properly, good posture, graceful, dancer-like physiques, amazing and beautiful. She told me the story of how these ladies, all over the age of 90, participate in a synchronized swimming league at this community. Not only do they don their identical sleek black bathing suits, they apply their make-up with skill and pride and learn complicated physical and mental swim/dance moves by working hard, practicing rigorously and then compete and perform for hundreds every year.

I asked her how the Mermaids were able to memorize the numerous steps and strokes and perform in front of friends, family and general observers with such conviction and courage. Her reply, “they help each other.” Bonnie said some of the ladies remember every move, while others occasionally falter. But as one may perceive another may not remember or is struggling, she will catch her eye or communicate the next progression and all becomes well again. Bonnie also said she taught the Mermaids if they don’t remember a move or they stumble, “DON’T LET THE AUDIENCE KNOW!” “What they don’t know, they will never pick up on if you always wear your game face.”

I met me tonight… the me I’ll be in 40 years. His name is also Bob… but he has more hair.

I sat at a picnic with wonderful people and took it all in. As it was wrapping up I found myself being asked why I was there by a smart looking man and his wife. I find it amazing that so many conversations here start with hello and within 5 minutes we are discussing the deepest aspects of who we are as people. This was one of those times.

Bob is a highly capable and successful man… but he didn’t tell me that… you could just tell. He managed over 50 people and was an executive and engineer… but he didn’t tell me that… his wife did after a while.

Instead, Bob introduced who he was, not what he did… something we don’t do in the “younger world”. And who Bob is, is someone very cool and real. He used to ski, hike, and garden… but he has slowly lost all these things as he has worn through three new hips on his right side. Now the man who was so dependable and self sufficient doesn’t feel he can count on himself. He tells me that he never saw it coming… even though he saw it happen to those around him.

This loss of abilities, whether physical or mental is felt so strongly by men… yet they appear to go through it often by themselves. I saw in Bob myself in a few years… I so enjoy my abilities… especially those that are mental… the loss of those would and will be devastating to me… it’s something I don’t even want to think about.

Bob is getting through it and being honest about where he is at… I hope that I can be as strong as he is when it is my time. I hope I learn how to be.

A new friend, Honey Lou, introduced me to Bill. Bill likes Pinochle and has a regular game. I asked when I could join… he put his hand on my shoulder and leaned over to me (I was sitting down and he was standing) and he said… “well, I am having a pace-maker put in on Tuesday, but right after that would be great.” So casual, so matter of fact. It was even endearing the way he faced me with his ear (which had a hearing aid) so that he could make sure to hear me… my image of the old cranky man yelling at the youngin’s to speak up was not in Bill… he simply leaned in… in a way he was owning his lack of hearing rather than making me own it. He is going to whip my pants in cards… I can just tell.